On life, love, bliss and rapture

All the things in the title of this blog post are music.

I hate that there aren't words that can accurately describe how I feel about music. Listening to it, making it, analyzing it, experiencing it in any way. Music is why I'm here in this world. Music is why I am who I am. I owe my life to music, which is just fine with me.

I just listened to Natalie Dessay singing Lakmé's Air Des Clochettes. That's the inspiration for this particular moment of musical bliss.

And really, that's all I have to say right now.

Oh Queen of the Night

I've been listening to recordings of the arias for the Queen of the Night from Mozart's The Magic Flute. Though the first aria is far less commonly known than the second one, the moment at 3:13 is amazing. The second aria is far more popular, but no more demanding.

Also, it's my birthday and junk.

Quick update

So. Gondoliers. It's going! After getting a very poor start myself, I've become the leader of the pack of sorts of the men in the chorus. Which is kind of sad, considering the level of work I've done. Oh well -_-

Life is all right, though sodexo (the company that employs me at the dining hall) has been giving me scheduling conflicts left and right. I have to sacrifice a bunch of time that I would spend with dear friends who are visiting this weekend, but I get to work 8 hours on saturday. Wonderful.

But! On the plus side, I'm driving up to chicago tomorrow to spend the day in the Art Institute with an art major friend of mine, Theresa. She's a real artist's artist, and I want her to help me try to get the full experience.

Also, I have a new musical obsession: Jay Brannan. Listen and enjoy.

Smooches!
-Joe

21 days later...

Not too much has happened, but here's a quick rundown before rant-a-licious thinktype:

1. Dan and Bahia got married! It was a wonderful service for a wonderful couple. I was overjoyed to perform Lullabye (Goodnight my Angel) by Billy Joel, and I made people cry. It was great.

2. I've worked around 10 meal shifts at saga (my campus's sole dining hall) and I'm starting to really get into the swing of things there. It's hard work, and so not worth the pay, but I'm milking the free food for all it's worth (free food whenever there's a meal being served).

3. I'm taking voice lessons and Alexander Technique lessons with Dr. Moham
(whose headshot is recent as of 2 weeks ago). She is PHENOMENAL and half of why I haven't left IWU for less expensive pastures.

4. My apartment and roommate, Monica, are pretty fantastic, though our air conditioning is being a pain.

So life is pretty dang good. I have a lot of free time, which is a stark and enjoyable contrast to the entirety of the previous 12 months of my life. I've been shuttling back and forth between Oak Park and Bloomington quite a bit, since my schedule changes every week and I often have several days off at a time.

When Dan and Bahia got married, I really started to wonder about family: my standing within my own family, the creation of new family, the destruction of old, and how we build a landscape of people around us apart from our blood relatives and how for some, these friends mean more than our genetic relatives. What does "family" mean anyway? Can't a family just be those who are closest to you? I have friends I've known less than 3 years and I can honestly say that they're as close as siblings to me.

And what about a traditional family? Is that something I'd even want? A significant other and kids, a house somewhere safe and nice, a dog and a cat and a big kitchen where I'd make dinner every night and live the 1950's ideal... Nah, not for me.

But we're so programmed to want it anyway, aren't we?

Sometimes I wonder just what the world would be like if we could learn to separate the worlds portrayed by TV, movies, etc. from our own, and to learn that one ideal isn't necessarily our own. Would we have less biology majors trying to be physicians just because they think that's the best career?

On another note...

Randy is one of the adult full-time workers in saga who works in the dish room, and he and I shared an interesting conversation while scrubbing dishes a few days ago. Randy is a humble man, missing his two front teeth, and has been working his particular job for a number of years. He's a sweet man with a die-hard love of optimism. I casually called myself dumb for not realizing something small while clearing trays, and he told me that he doesn't like that word. Randy doesn't believe that anyone truly is stupid. I say that I'd agree, that nobody is truly stupid, but those who we'd label dumb just say and do illogical and ill-informed things. Randy agreed. He went on to say that he strongly dislikes judgment and that he gets flak from his family and people in his life for his optimism.

I don't quite think that Randy has told me all that there is to tell about these discussions, but a simple man can really bring you back to the basics of humanity: equality. If Randy can understand and regularly implement the basic principles of equality in his life, can't we? I'd rant about racism, economic inequality, liberalism, conservatism, christianity, judiasm, baha'i-ism, islam, Iran, Iraq, politics, oil, the arts and gay marriage, but you've probably heard it all before, and in words more eloquent and better-informed than I can give you.

I find myself wanting choir again. Badly. Desperately. And it gets me thinking about why. I'm sure I love the music, but there has to be something more. The essence of collaboration, the creation of beauty, the joy of reaping the rewards of hard work, but most of all being an integral part of something undeniably successful. Co-choir is pretty darn good, and without question it's due in large part to Dr. Ferguson, but to really be an essential part of what comes as close to a religious experience as I've ever had is amazing.

I want it.

I need it.

It's why I'm paying $40,000 a year to stay in Bloomington.

It's worth every penny.

Hugs, lolcats and too many links,
Joe

Hello again, blog. How've you been?

It's been a month and... 6 days. Awesome. A testament to the previous month, I guess. Updates:

1. I dealt with more stress than I expected, and also found out that A) I want to continue studying art, and B) my ceramics professor has been one of the largest sources of stress and negativity in my life since coming to IWU.

2. My contract with ORL (the Office of Residential Life) ran up this past saturday at 1:00 PM. I am no longer an RA.

3. I recieved 3 separate misdiagnoses from IWU health services to a mystery ailment during may: A cold, a bad cold and finally, seasonal allergies. After my symptoms worsened, I went home for a day to see the family physician, who informed me that I had a respiratory infection. 3 weeks and one bottle of antibiotics (and countless doses of tylenol) later, I'm fit as a fiddle.

4. I moved from my tiny closet room in Munsell to my subleased apartment over the course of about 8-9 hours, and I only had help moving two items: a fridge and a tower fan. The fridge not because of weight but sheer size, and only up one and a half flights of stairs (helped by my roommate's boyfriend), and the tower fan because he just grabbed it. I'm very proud of my self-sufficiency there.

5. After said moving, I came home and will be here for a week.

6. When I return, I'll be coming into my gainful employment for the summer: working at IWU's dining hall, serving people using our campus for conferences.

7. I can sing a B flat in full voice! And it didn't sound like death! Two half-steps higher than I previously believed. Hooray for my bari-tenor existence.

So yeah. That's the big stuff shortened down into 7 points. As usual, I'm beginning to idealize the upcoming months (and semesters) far beyond what their reality will be, and I'm working on combating that urge. I do know that this summer will be FANTASTIC in terms of my vocal development, since I'm taking two separate sets of lessons with my voice professor (private lessons: she lives in-town [note to self: email her to set up lesson times]). Work will probably be a bitch and a half to get used to and to gain footing, but I plan on getting through it.

TANGENT! My random musical obsessions: Andrew Bird, Guster, Vampire Weekend, Duffy and Dvořák's 9th Symphony

FURTHER TANGENT! I've seen Star Trek 3 times now, and it's fantastic. Checkov is adorable and my favorite. I've also seen Up with my dear friends Sara and Maggie, which was undoubtedly the best decision of my past few weeks, as Sara bawled during the movie (appropriate) and all three of us made fools of ourselves laughing raucously during the showing (also appropriate). Do yourself a favor and see Up no matter who you are, and if you enjoy action movies at ALL see Star Trek. Forget what you think about it, just go see it.

EXTRA FURTHER TANGENT! This blog is probably pretty boring if you don't know me. A recent comment my brother made to his to-be sister-in-law: "I like your blog because you write about interesting things." Jealousy. I mean, I set up this blog to be self-indulgent crap, right? So would I be doing my original intention an injustice by changing the content of my blogging to cater to more viewers? For that matter, who cares? I don't expect anyone to really read this blog anyway, so what does it matter?

Back to relevance. Wait, what relevance?

Smooches,
Joe

P.S. STEPHANIE NUDELMAN IF YOU READ THIS, I'M SO SORRY I DIDN'T SPEND TIME WITH YOU THIS MAYTERM AND I WILL ATTACK YOU WITH THEATRE-MAJOR-ANNOYING LOVE THE MOMENT I SEE YOU!

Life moving on

So. I'm done with sophomore year. This is pretty uneventful.

Cool.

Currently, it's mayterm break, a 6-day period without classes where the seniors are getting ready for graduation, and ORL staff members stick around on campus to help out with some little things. Said little things are done.

And I.

Am.

Sitting around for all it's worth.

Also, Wii Fit is awesome.

And I'm visiting Dan and Bahia tomorrow! Huzzah!

I can't wait to sing more. I've had a bad head cold for the past few days and my voice has been shot. We'll see how that goes.

But now that the stress of finals week is over, I'm really getting back to the happy Joe that's always been here.

Smooches,
Joe

RECITAL

So. Next spring ('10) I'll be performing in a junior recital with Emily Hopkins! EXCITEMENT ENSUES!

Basically, it came down to Dr. Moham's (my voice professor) word on whether or not I'd be ready to do it. It's a real question because I've only taken lessons for just under a year now, and I haven't been singing in general very much at all until the past two years of my life. I'm fairly underdeveloped as a performer, and it's sort of on the fence on whether or not my voice will be ready to do it.

But tonight Dr. Moham gave us the OK and we're gonna freaking DO IT. The date won't be set until maybe a month before winter break, so just keep it in the back of your minds.

Oh, and here's a duet that we'll be singing. Get excited.

Lots of love and oh-by-the-way-my-jury-is-tomorrow,
Joe

Because we don't laugh at really immature things enough these days

First name fail.

Cerainly one of the most eventful nights I've had in a while...

There are many reasons that this title is true. Some of them:

I had accidentally read a fake spoiler "revealing" the winner of this cycle of America's Next Top Model, which turned out to be untrue after watching last night's episode on youtube.

I've done two loads of laundry.

It turns out that this one time in the Bloomington mall, when I took my brother Dan's glasses and put them on myself, we look alarmingly similar. See the following photos for evidence (I'm below):



















A guy who lives on my floor was uber-sick and I got to be all supportive.

I've decided that Andrea Bocelli is my favorite famous tenor. He's the shiz.

There are more, but you'll have to ask me in person about those.

Love,
Joe

I love webcomics and you should too

http://buttersafe.com/2009/01/08/the-snake-and-the-fuzzy-thing/

Killing Time

Graaaaarg (a palindromatic poem):

Grarg.
Argra.
The dinosaur saysyas ruasonid eht.
Mirrored impatience ecneitapmi derorrim.

(unrelated): http://www.qwantz.com/

(further unrelated): DO NOT READ IF RELIGIOUS AND BAD-HUMORED.

With Love,
Joe

So here's why I refuse to live without REAL music for the rest of my natural-born life:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UbS3WAPPSQ

This is a choral piece that Dr. Ferguson picked out for the Chenoa Easter Vigil (a service which I just started working with). It's a night easter service, and there's a bunch 'o music that some IWU Collegiate Choir men are singing, and we also get paid something like $100 to perform with it.

But this is REAL music. Performed at the highest quality by musicians of the highest caliber. This is what makes me the most happy of anything I've ever experienced in the entire world. Making real music gives me the highest high, more than any drug in the world. I got to experience a few touches of this kind of musicianship last semester, and after being without it for about 2 days (after the winter choir tour), I found myself so inexplicably empty. I was half the person that I just was.

During the three weeks off, I really soul-searched and re-examined myself from the past semester, and how much I prioritized music above everything else, even myself and even art. That's why I'm a music major now: living without that music this semester has been so difficult and trying, and I realize that making that music was what allowed me to cope with the stress of my academic and extracurricular load this year.

I know that next year will be really hard (10 classes and 4.25 credits/17 credit hours), but it's going to be worth it. Dr. Ferguson will be back, and we'll be making music again. It's going to be better. I know it.

With love,
Joe

P.S. I cried a little when I listened to that recording at the beginning of the post.

P.P.S.:
My ten classes are as follows: Major voice lessons
Minor piano lessons
Recital attendance
Co-choir
Chamber Singers
Music Theory
Functional Piano
Italian Diction
Fundamentals of Conducting
Vocal Techniques

Scary, huh?

Siiiiiiiick

Ugh. This cold feels like death. I'm stuffed up, coughing out lungs, and my throat is raw as all get-out. I can't sing, normal functioning takes about twice the effort, and I'm pretty drowsy most of the time.

However, there is a serious lining to this: It's a real reason to take it easy for a few days! Oh thank the giant pasta monster in the sky, I get to sit back for ONCE and relax while my body fights infection.

Being sick never felt so good.

Not that I'm completely cutting out responsibilities. I'm still working, still keeping up in classes, still going to the endless meetings that I'm required to go to. I'm still painting and throwing, still doing what I have to do.

But I get to take a freaking break. Right before spring break. Ha-le-lu.

Y'know what?

I'm done. I'm done with talking about how I'm feeling. Goodbye, world.

Lots of things happening.

Well, not that much has happened. Small things and time passing, really. Life is all right, just a giant ball of stress and money going down the drain.

But! Dan and Bahia are getting married, and tonight Dan called me and not only asked me to be a groomsman, but also to sing and play piano at the wedding at some point. I figure I'm going to write them a toast song. I'm so psyched, and can't wait to start working on it!

I may enlist the help of someone more musically talented than I, but the performance will, rest assured, be taped and eventually posted on here.

In other news, choir choir choir, painting painting painting, ceramics ceramics ceramics, RA stuff RA stuff RA stuff, coffee shop coffee shop coffee shop. It's just life slowly sifting through my fingers without making much difference in the fingers themselves other than scraping away little bits of skin with each jagged grain that falls.

But I'm a fucking pessimist, and make myself (not to mention many others around me) feel a lot worse for no reason. I need a gigantic change in attitude, and I'm finally realizing it.

Optimism, maybe?

Love, Joe

When bad things happen

So I'm upset right now. This has led to a few things I didn't know about myself:

I'm more likely to make bad decisions in terms of things I say and actions when upset rather than drunk. Also, when I get really, really upset, I try not to show it at all. I just try to not talk and not communicate it at all.

-sigh- my stupid, awful, amazing and difficult life has taken yet another turn for the worse-right-now, better-a-lot-later.

I'll give you details later.

Musically fickle

http://www.divshare.com/download/6529417-d8a

I'm a ridiculous person. Reason posted on this blog #1:

I go through random obsessive phases of music. They can last an hour, a day, a week, or if it's really special, a few weeks. I'll just listen to the same artist/album over and over again whenever I listen to music, and it's like heaven. This past day, I've listened almost exclusively to Joanna Newsom, and that song is one of the day's favorites.

Musical obsessees of the past week: Regina Spektor (one day), Ildebrando Pizzetti's Requiem (one week along with...), Verdi's Requiem (a week and a half).

Sometimes it's startling to think about how empty my life would be without music.

Happy beautiful day!

"Seasonal affective disorder (SAD), also known as winter depression or winter blues, is a mood disorder in which people who have normal mental health throughout most of the year experience depressive symptoms in the winter or, less frequently, in the summer,^[1] repeatedly, year after year. The US National Library of Medicine notes that "some people experience a serious mood change when the seasons change. They may sleep too much, have little energy, and crave sweets and starchy foods. They may also feel depressed. Though symptoms can be severe, they usually clear up."^[2] The condition in the summer is often referred to as Reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder, and can also include heightened anxiety.^[3]"

^-Wikipedia

^{I think everybody in the United States suffers from some degree of SAD, since just about everyone is just happier when it's sunny, warm and dry outside. Today was wonderful. Thank you mother nature!}

^{P.S. I'm falling in love with really dark, saturated greens that tend towards blue but not yellow. Mmmmm....}

PS

This layout will be much more original and interesting soon. I just have to ask Dan how to jazz up this place.

The beginning of something... average?

So I really wish that my life were more interesting. Bahia went to Korea, Steph is in Kolkata, Dan has his pretentious music and all that marriage crap. Everybody has some kind of excitement in their lives, driving them forward and making them feel alive.

Me? I work in a coffee shop, am learning proper musicianship with singing, am a first-year RA, work with clay in all its forms, am events coordinator for my campus's gay-straight alliance and am in general just a ridiculous person trudging through the work of your first few years of college. Just work, meetings, studio time, practice, rehearsal, more meetings, more work, eat, sleep, boring death.

I'm determined to do something amazing with my life. I won't settle for mediocrity. Ever.

I think just the way I'm turning out as a person is evidence enough of that: a gay tenor who makes coffee, pottery, photographs, glass castings and overinvolves himself in almost everything on campus. Most people think I'm a theatre major from my obnoxious, larger-than-life persona, and those who don't know better say I'm good at some things, and in general, I'm a pretty big kind of person.

But I'm just your average overworked college student in the middle of Illinois, working on two fine and performing arts degrees.

I swear, someday soon, I'll do something exciting.

Here's a video for you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHhEs5DAVQ4